How to prepare your children for university life?

Young adults, especially those now entering university, are eager to fully embrace freedom and independence.

These young adults will have new responsibilities and their life is set to change tremendously the moment they step out of the shadow of their parents and assume a new role in society and the new environment they will now belong to. However, your role as a parent will not really change much. You are still, in some sense, responsible for your child’s actions and a direct influencer of her/his decisions, negatively of positively.

The process of applying for university isn’t as straight forward as many people think, certainly not for public universities in Malaysia. There are many forms to fill, at least one interview to attend, and before all that, a critical decision about the study option that corresponds to your child’s education record and interest needs to be made.

Questions will flood your head as you consider the options for your child, like is a private university better? Can I afford to send my child to a private university? If my child's SPM results are not up to mark, what should I do? What about employment opportunities for my child after graduation? Is this course suitable for my child? Should I send my child abroad? – You get the picture.

Perhaps some of most important questions that you should be asking are more fundamental: Is my child ready for the new life, environment, responsibilities, education, friends and influences?

Why prepare your child for university life?

There is probably a hundred reasons to cite when answering this question. Nevertheless, let’s take a glance at 3 reasons that point to significant parental involvement:

1. Financial influence

As parents, you work hard to provide and make sure your child’s needs are covered in a certain way. Parents save money and have probably started a savings plan for a college fund for their children.

According to survey conducted in the US back in 2015, 48% of the decision-making process that involves parents is influenced by financial capabilities and cost of education. A government scholarship, private organisation sponsorships, study loans and other financial aids provided by a third party play a major role in the process. Costs influence parents’ decisions more than anything else. It is safe to assume that the situation in Malaysia isn’t very different, in fact, Malaysian parents may pay even more attention to financial matters in such uncertain times in the economy.

2. Reputation and quality of the institution

As a parent, you will certainly spend a considerable amount of time researching institutions, collecting relevant data, and creating a list of the most suitable institutions. Reputation and quality are top criteria for selecting a particular institution. In Malaysia, you have organisations like the Malaysian Qualifications Agency (MQA) that monitors the quality of institutions and keep tabs on their practices and quality of education. Many public institutions in Malaysia are globally ranked by Quacquarelli Symonds (QS), a global organisation that uses certain attributes to evaluate institutions.

Searching and considering higher education institutions is often done by both parents and children and decisions are made with mutual interest. According to the survey mentioned earlier, 60% of research activities are conducted by both parents and their children and any decision or consideration is often made by the parents while consulting with their children.

3. External influences

Parents are more likely to be influenced by colleagues, friends, family members and even their social media. Many parents use social media to join groups to share their thoughts and ask for advice from other parents who have gone through the same experience or other members who are going through a similar struggle.

So, you – the parent – play a major role in this journey from start to finish.

Helping your child prepare

Embarking on a new journey in life by leaving the house and family can be pretty intimidating, even if your teenage child seems excited to do so as soon as possible. Surely, sooner or later, your child will reach out to you, the parent, for advice and help. It is important that you are mentally prepared to handle the surprises that may lay ahead.

1. Supportive and positive attitude

All you can do at this point is provide advice, emotional support, and financial support without meddling too much in your child's life. You need to make sure that your child is safe and comfortable in the new environment. Your kid(s) may have had certain advantages from living under your roof and probably will continue to enjoy some of these advantages up to a certain time in their life. However, they cannot continue to depend on you for the rest of their life. That is why early preparation can be very helpful for the next phase for both of you.

Keep in mind, there are many children who have had a rough life and may have not lived with their parents, that is if they have any parents at all and so your children must learn to adapt to the harsh reality of life.

In a university setting, it is very likely that your child will deal others from different backgrounds and may encounter students from different countries. Dealing with cultural differences is crucial which is only possible by having an open mind, willing to mix with others, and being accepting of differences.

2. The university

It would be a great idea to take some time off to actually go and tour the new home away from home and see the campus with your child. Learn about the facilities available, visit the library, see the campus cafeteria and maybe try the food there, and if you have the chance, meet the lecturers and academics of that university. Share your likes, dislikes and the experience of being on campus with each other.

3. Accommodation

In Malaysia, accommodation in universities and colleges is either in hostels, or off campus.

• Living on campus – Hostel accommodation:

Universities in Malaysia have their own accommodation. Sometimes the accommodation is within the property of the institution and other times it is outside the campus, but remains part of the institution. What makes these facilities distinct is that they are relatively affordable and safe for students. However, the reality of living in a hostel might surprise your child. Be sure to visit the hostel, view the rooms, learn about the laundry facilities, cooking facilities, shower rooms and other essential facilities for the living conditions of your child.

• Off campus accommodation:

Living off campus is more common than you might think. There are many parents who prefer accommodation off campus for many different reasons. Generally speaking, living off campus is more expensive, which brings us to the next point.

4. Budgeting

Daily expenses for your child don’t have to be an unnecessary headache. If this is the first time your child manages this important aspect of her/his life, then the probability of making mistakes or mismanagement is high. Nevertheless, it is important to make mistakes and learn from them. On the other hand, if your child knows how to manage the budget well, that would be even better.

Your role as a parent remains important regardless of how your child manages the budget. It is worth sharing your past experiences, managing tips, and spend some time chatting with your child and run though the basics of budgeting.

The internet can be very helpful for you and your child. There is an abundance of content in the form of blog posts, videos, podcasts, infographics and other formats that contain helpful tips and many people have shared their own experiences and opinions in this regards.

Consider the following:

• What to do if the budget becomes smaller for various reasons?
• What to do if the allowance doesn’t come in on time?
• What to do if the parents cannot send money at some point?
• What about emergencies?
• What about unexpected travel or hanging out with friends?

5. Cooking lessons

Cooking and eating at home can be significantly cheaper than eating out. Some hostels allow students to cook with electric stoves, but other hostels have NO COOKING policies. In such cases, eating out might be the only option for your child. The trick is to figure out what suits your child. If eating outside can allow a maintainable weekly budget, then that may be the option to go with.

Needless to say, learning the basics of cooking will be handy in many situations, like when your child’s allowance becomes lesser and harder to manage by the end of the week or the month, or in cases where the allowance doesn’t come on time. Thanks to YouTube, numerous blogs and social media pages, learning how to cook doesn’t cost anything, well besides buying cooking utensils, dishes, cooking pots, a stove, an oven, etc.

Recipes, on the other hand, are available all over the internet and many of them are simple and the food tastes amazing.

6. Make sure your child doesn’t miss Orientation Day

One of the most important pieces of advice that I have heard when I first went to college was during orientation day. I remember the moment vividly. The dean of the school walked in and took the podium. After a warm welcome and few kind words, he said the following "today is the first day of your life as an adult. You have only two options as long as you want to remain a college student: excel in your education or build an interest in something that can point you to the right path for a brighter future. The first semester is the most important semester for an excellent academic record. Score well in the first semester and it would be much easier to maintain your record. Fail at it, and you will have a hard time getting it back up again."

That kind of advice isn't something you can find easily on the street, and so take it to the bank.

During orientation, your child will meet lecturers, important figures on campus, learn about important processes, meet friends and future classmates, and even have fun. So, ensure that your child doesn’t miss this day.

7. Friends and acquaintances

Obviously, as a parent you cannot control the friends your child hangs out with and/or the people your son/daughter chooses as acquaintances. However, it is important to learn about what kind of friends are suitable for your child's personality and interest and which friends can positively influence your child's academics. This way, you can provide an advice in a non-meddling manner.

8. Development of a graduation plan

One of the most important aspects that you could help your child with is working together towards a graduation plan that would allow your child to remain on track to graduation within a determined period of time depending on the course of choice. The plan should include short- and long-term goals, how to achieve each goal, and what kind of aids your child needs to achieve such goals. Goals may extent to planning what comes after graduation.

Remember, goals must be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound.

9. Keeping track of academic performance

When you were in college, you probably made mistakes like not keeping up with deadlines and procrastinating when you should have been studying for an important test or having an assignment due in a couple of days but you were hanging out with your pals. You might also remember that one bad grade that dragged your CGPA down. I, certainly, have made those mistakes many times. Share this experience with your child.

The point to make here is to teach your child to never miss a deadline, do not delay studying, manage time well, rest well, have fun and manage social life without missing out on academics.

No Recipe

One thing to remember, there is no one recipe that would help your child succeed in getting complete independence. The learning process is full of bumps along the road and success stems from failure. It is import that you, the parent, are able to help with the mistakes and not escalate the situation. As a parent, you need to find what works for you and your child. The tips above help as a general guide and are the perfect skeleton for you to tweak and add on based on your child’s personality and your experience.